I’ve been experiencing several of those now-more-than-ever moments over the past two-plus years. You know the kind of situation… where it feels vitally important to finally get some things in order or to make some much-needed changes in certain areas of life. At times, it feels like everything is riding on my ability to follow through. Yet, when I put that kind of pressure on myself, I often end up spinning my wheels and don’t make any meaningful progress. Can you relate?
But in many ways, I’m fortunate. My training as a counselor and life coach keeps me in the conversation, asking myself, “What’s in the way of having what I most want right now?” Mostly, I’m in the way — buying into some limiting belief, either actively or passively resisting taking action, or not taking responsibility for myself in some way. These are the unloving ways I create internal distress or inhibit my progress. Then, I get upset with myself for doing so, and the cycle repeats again.
What is loving to me is to take 100% responsibility for myself — 24/7. This doesn’t mean I’ll feel good all of the time. But if I’m the one in my own way and causing my suffering, I can do something about that. If something is happening externally that is impacting me, whether I like the situation or not, I can still choose to be loving to me. Sometimes, that includes taking action on behalf of myself or another. Sometimes that means just being there with and for myself, while feeling all the feelings about the situation, including my sense of helplessness to change it.
Now more than ever, it is time to learn how to love yourself. I’ve been carving out a path to self-love for over 30 years, and I’ll be sharing more in the coming weeks and months about how you can embark on your own journey to self-love.
Start to build a loving relationship with yourself.
The next time someone or something upsets you in some way, ask yourself 3 questions:
- What’s my part in this upset?
- How am I relating to myself that is adding to the pain?
- What would be a loving response toward myself instead?
Then, take the action(s) you discovered.